Start

I wasn't born into the church, my mother became a convert and I was baptised when I was eight. A few years later my parents got divorced(my father was never a member) and eventually she and the rest of my family stopped going, I continued.

I'm now thirty years old, married for some time with a son but separated, they live in another country and the next time I might see them both is in a year if things work out.

Despite being a member since I was seven or eight I have never been to the temple. Not for a lack of desire but that I've never been worthy. I always planned to go on a mission, but again not being worthy prevented me and then I married.

One year ago my life was destroyed by a series of stupid choices I made, I became separated and not too long later was excommunicated.

I'm incredibly angry at how things have turned out, not at church but at myself, for falling so short of my potential. I've let down my wife, my son, my friends, the church, and myself. 

After moving to a new city, and being completely inactive since June I attended sacrament last week.

Being new, the missionaries asked (as they always do) "Are you a member?". After thinking about it for a while and being slow to answer I finally said no.

The less people know the better, so I won't be telling anyone who I really am, or any of my past. I'll just be one of those investigators who never makes a commitment. Too embarrassed, too ashamed.

Writing is not something I do easily, but I have no one to speak to about this, so it going here. Apart from mostly ex-mormon anti-LDS stuff there isn't really anything out there on the net about what it's like being excommunicated or how to deal with it, especially if you'd like to come back.

There is almost nothing written about the topic on lds.org and felt that, now I'm excommunicated what do I do? If someone finds any of these posts useful great, if not it doesn't matter. No one but these pages will know my story.